I have been pretty stressed out this past week. When I am stressed out, I admittedly don’t deal with B. S. well. Lately, I have had to personally deal with some insensitive comments and hear other people tell me about thoughtless things that their friends have said to them. Now, I’m not trying to pick on anyone, I just think that people need to think twice about what they are saying to the friends/family members that love and support them and (let’s face it) have to listen to their problems.
As I’ve mentioned before, I am a mother of three and a student, so I don’t have a lot of time; that also means that I don’t have a lot of money. If I am giving you my time, I am giving you a precious gift, because time, my friend, is something that I don’t have a lot of. This is true for most people. So remember, if someone is listening to you and allowing you to confide in them, be grateful for god’s sake and don’t say thoughtless things that will only lead to them feeling underappreciated.
Ok, so I haven’t taken a poll and I have no idea what the public consensus is on “What Not to say to a close friend” but these are definitely my top 5. This article could also be entitled: 5 things you can say that will drive away your close friends and confidantes.
#1 I have nobody in my life that I can turn to for help. If you find yourself saying this to one of your friends or family members, then please, shut your face before that negative statement truly does become your reality. Chances are, if you have someone to say that to then you actually do have someone to turn to.
#2 The only person that I have in this world that I can rely on is me. This one is along the same lines as #1 but, I have no problem overemphasizing this point because, guess what that makes the person that you are talking to? Yep. That’s right. Nothing and nobody.
#3 100% your problems 90-100% of the time that you talk to them. You may be going through a tough time but, it would do you and the other person, some good, if you took some of the focus off of yourself and shined the light of friendship on them for a moment. It doesn’t pay to focus on yourself every minute of everyday. It may seem productive, but actually, by over thinking all of your issues, you are probably just stressing yourself out even more and that makes for a fuzzy brain. See what your friend has to say (at least for a couple of minutes) and who knows, maybe hearing their problems will make you feel better about your own.
#4 I have so and so but they don’t consider me as close of a friend as I consider them to be. Once again, you are downplaying the relationship with the very person that is listening to you gripe by not recognizing that you are thankful for their patient, listening ear.
#5 Last but not least: After your friend tells you that they are feeling poorly about the above comments and insensitivities, you tell them that they are most likely feeling bad because, that is how you are feeling and it’s rubbing off on them. I’ve got new for you, babe: everyone has their own reasons for feeling the way that they do. Don’t take your friend’s power from them by (once more) making it about you.
Well kids, that’s it for today’s lesson and, in the spirit of friendship, let’s try to appreciate the close relationships that we already have. Sure, all of us want a perfect life, perfect friends, and a perfect family but if can’t cherish the people that we do have in our lives and (at least) attempt to let them know how much they mean to us, then how likely are we to attract more good people to us?